The Rainbow After The Storm
by hjlbsw77
Summary: Donna and Harvey are finally together. Now they must face the past before they can enjoy the future.


A/N Thank you once again to my amazing Bestie Stefanie (COOPaulsen on Twitter) for offering me guidance and encouragement on this story. Please, please check out her stories on here (Andelin). It goes without saying that I don't own these beautiful characters. I just like to take them for a creative spin every once and a while. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy. In the words of Stefanie….grab the tissues.

The Rainbow After the Storm

I had been dreading tonight all day. Truthfully, I had been dreading having to do what I am doing tonight for thirteen years.

Harvey and I had been together now for about three months. After denying our feelings for each other for thirteen years, everything after the moment he showed up at my door three months ago, had seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye.

We had wasted so much time already and neither of us wanted to waste any more. Harvey had asked me to move in with him at our one-month anniversary dinner. A dinner that he planned on his own.

He had surprised me with an evening at Del Posto and told me that he never wanted to spend another day having to go to bed alone or wake up without me in his arms ever again. I moved in the following weekend.

About a month later we attended Louis and Sheila's baby shower together and that night Harvey asked how I felt about having kids. I told him that I had always wanted a family. We had decided that we wouldn't officially start trying until our six-month anniversary. But we also weren't not trying.

I went off my birth control pills and we were doing absolutely nothing to prevent it, but we also weren't doing all the things people our age usually had to do: tracking my cycles and taking my temperature and all the other tricks. We agreed that if the old fashioned way, as Harvey called it, hadn't worked, that we would visit a specialist after our six month anniversary.

I turned my key in the lock and as I opened the door I could already hear the soft sounds of jazz playing and the delicious aromas of what seems to be Harvey's handiwork in the kitchen.

Before I could even make my way down the entry hallway Harvey almost magically appeared in front of me with his "Kiss the Cook" apron on. He greeted me with a kiss, a glass of wine and an I love you. If someone had told me even four months ago that this would be or even could be my life I would have thought they were crazy. Two minutes ago I was dreading tonight, but just two seconds with Harvey, the love of my life, and I already felt lighter. I was still dreading what I had to do but knowing that I will be doing it with Harvey by my side gave me the confidence to do what I needed to.

I sat the wine glass, untouched, down on the counter and headed towards our bedroom to change into something more comfortable. I changed into my favorite yoga pants and a tank top along with my favorite cardigan and headed back into the kitchen just in time for Harvey to finish plating the steak, baked potato, and asparagus that he had prepared.

We chatted throughout dinner about work and Harvey had told me that he had gotten a text from Mike this afternoon and that he and Rachel are planning to fly out to visit the week of July 4th, which was only a month away. Rachel had hated not being able to come out with Mike when he came a few weeks ago for work and so they had agreed to make a week of it. I told him that Louis had pulled me into his office today to tell me that he and Sheila had decided on a name for the baby, and wanted to make sure that I was okay with them calling the baby Donnie. Harvey and I shared a smile over that. Louis and Sheila had already asked Harvey and I to be their son's godparents at the baby shower. We had excitedly agreed.

After dinner, I volunteered to clean up but Harvey insisted that I go relax. If he noticed that I left my wine untouched he didn't mention it.

I sat down on the sofa and watched the flames from the fire in the fireplace, almost becoming mesmerized by them as I got lost in thought. Before I knew it Harvey was sitting beside me calling my name and looking both confused and concerned.

When I responded he said that he had called my name five times. I apologized to him, but he said there was no need to be sorry and asked if something was wrong. I nodded my head and told him that I needed to talk to him about something.

Being Harvey, he told me that I could talk to him about anything.

I took his hand in mine and squeezed it gently while telling him that I love him, with all of my heart.

"I should have told you this thirteen years ago Harvey. I've always had mixed emotions about whether I should have or if I did the right thing. Back then I knew it would have only caused you pain. Pain that wasn't necessary for you to endure. I'm not sure if telling you now will be any less painful but it's something I feel like I have to do. I just hope that you can forgive me."

"You are scaring me a little bit, but I can't imagine that there is much that you could have ever done that I wouldn't be able to forgive you for Donna."

"I hope that's true, I really do." I took a deep breath before beginning again. "About six weeks after we slept together, after leaving the DA's office, I started feeling sick. By that Friday night when I wasn't any better I made the decision to go to immediate care Saturday morning. I was shocked to discover that I was pregnant. I was nervous about how you would react and what we would do. But I had also always wanted to be a mom, so there was a small part of me that was excited too. I had planned to see if we could go somewhere for lunch or dinner that Monday and I was going to tell you, away from the office. But late that Sunday evening I started cramping really bad and then I started bleeding. I ended up going to the emergency room, but it was too late."

At this point both Harvey and I both had tears in our eyes. He pulled me to him and just held me, one hand softly rubbing my back and the other hand gently running his hands through my hair. We were both just whispering how sorry we were. When I asked him why he was sorry, he responded that he was sorry that I had gone through it alone and that he wished he could have been there to help me.

I pulled back from him, just far enough to be able to look him in the eye, but still stay in his embrace, and with a sad smile I told him that he was there for me because even without knowing what was going on he had still found a way to make things a little better the day after.

**Flashback**

Even though I had stayed at the emergency room until almost three in the morning I had still forced myself to come to work on time that day. Harvey had immediately noticed that I was not "myself" and asked if I was okay. Not wanting to tell him the truth about what had happened I just told him that I had been up all night, not feeling well. He had immediately told me to go home that he would see me when I was better. The doctor had actually told me that I should rest for a day or two, but not wanting to explain the truth or let Harvey down, as we had only been at the firm about a month at that point, I had forced myself to go anyway.

As soon as I walked in the door of my apartment I had stripped down and thrown on my most comfortable pajamas and crawled under the covers. The emotions of the past few days had caught up with me as soon as I laid down and I burst into tears. I eventually cried myself to sleep only to be woken up by knocking on my door about four hours later.

The knock turned out to be a delivery from one of my favorite take-out restaurants, that Harvey had sent over. It included chicken noodle soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. The perfect get-well meal. Almost as soon as it was delivered my phone dinged with a text message, from Harvey of course, telling me to make sure I ate and that he would check in with me later.

Later turned out to be around seven PM, when he showed up at my door with dinner in tow. He said that he wanted to check on me and to make sure I had something for dinner. I had thanked him for being so sweet and told him that I was feeling a little better and hoped to be back at work the next day. I guess he could read the emotions on my face, because even though I was no longer crying, I still looked completely drained. He told me to go ahead and take the next day off too and just come back in on Wednesday.

**End Flashback**

"You didn't stay and I didn't invite you to, but I want you to know that it meant the world to me back then to have you take care of me the way that you did"

"It does make me feel better to know that at least I wasn't a jerk to you and that I brought you comfort. Can I ask why you didn't tell me back then?"

"Honestly, looking back, I wish I had. But in the moment, I honestly just didn't see the point. It was over and done before it ever really had the chance to begin. We had sworn to put that night behind us and telling you would have brought it all up again. And then after a while there didn't seem to be a point in telling you. Why cause you pain or bring up the past?"

"I guess I can understand that. I just wish I could have been there for you. Bringing you food is one thing but you should have had someone that you could talk to. Someone to support you. I just really hate that you were there alone at the hospital going through that all by yourself."

"I wish I would have had someone there too, but it's not your fault."

"Can I ask why you are telling me now?"

"Because we are together now and we decided we wanted to try to have a family and that means sharing everything, the good and the bad. I want to share it all with you. And that means being honest about what we are feeling and having been pregnant and having the miscarriage, even though it was so long ago and under much different circumstances, has been bringing up feelings recently. Since we made the decision to try to get pregnant I want to be able to share my feelings with you. Just like I want you to be able to share your thoughts and feelings with me."

"I want that too. No secrets. I want you to be able to come to me, lean on me, depend on me for whatever you need. I want to be that person, that man for you."

"You are Harvey, you always have been. Even before we got together, you have always been my best friend."

"And you are mine."

"Anything else bothering you?"

"No. Why?"

"I noticed you didn't drink your wine tonight."

"No I didn't. I wasn't sure if you had noticed or not."

"Of course I noticed. I notice everything about you."

"You really do." I respond with a chuckle. "No, nothing's wrong. It's just, part of the reason that I shared this with you tonight is that this time I want you to be involved from the very beginning."

"Wait, are you saying you're pregnant?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think I might be and I just wanted us to do this together. Whether I am or I'm not I don't want to do this alone."

"And you won't have to. Never again."

"Thank you Harvey. I love you, you know that right?"

"You never have to thank me. Being with you is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and it is a gift to be by your side everyday. I love you so much and having a family with you would be amazing, but I want you to know that even if that never happens, finally having you as my partner in life, in every way, will always be enough. A baby would just be an added bonus."

"I feel the same way Harvey. This life, what we have, it's more than I ever could have dreamed."

"Well what do you say we find out if our lives are about to change forever?"

"I'm nervous about finding out either way to be honest. I'm hopeful because I know that we want it so much. If it's negative then I will be disappointed and if it's positive, I know that I will worry about the things that could go wrong, because they went so wrong last time. But I know things are different this time. We want this and we are prepared, but most importantly I'm doing it with you by my side and that already makes it so much easier."

"It will be okay, we will be okay. No matter what."

"I know."

"So do you want to do a test or make a doctor's appointment?"

"Well actually, I stopped by the pharmacy on the way home and bought a test and I figured if it was positive I would call the doctor's office in the morning and schedule an appointment to get confirmation."

"So like, we could know in the next few minutes."

"Yeah. We could."

"Well yeah. Let's do it. Well you go do it."

"I'll go take the test and when I am done we can look at the result together, how about that?"

"Sounds perfect."

I took the test out of my handbag and together we walked to the bedroom, holding hands until we reached the door. Harvey pulled me into his embrace and we whispered I love yous and as we pulled back he kissed me on the forehead and told me he'd be right there waiting for me when I was done.

I went into the bathroom, gently closing the door behind me. It only took me a couple of minutes and after laying the test strip on the counter I opened the door to let Harvey in and together we stood there holding hands and staring at this piece of plastic that could possibly change our lives in a matter of minutes.

In what seemed like the blink of an eye, two little lines appeared and tears immediately welled up in my eyes. I gasped and I turned to look at Harvey and even though he might not have known before what the lines meant, seeing my reaction told him everything he needed to know as he instantly took me in his arms and just held me.

"We're having a baby."

"Yeah we are."

"Thank you sweetheart."

"For what?"

"For confiding in me tonight, for sharing this moment with me, for wanting a family with me, for being you, for choosing me. Just thank you."

"Always."

Epilogue

The past eight months have been the best of my life. Harvey and I made an appointment with my OB/GYN the day after taking the test and two days later we got confirmation that I was indeed pregnant. Because of my previous miscarriage we didn't tell anyone other than Mike and Rachel until I reached the twelve week mark. Even then we only shared it with our family, both biological and our work family. It wasn't until I couldn't hide it anymore that we shared it with the general public.

Harvey had been the absolute best father-to-be. He came to every single doctor's appointment. He attended every lamaze class. He shared in every single decision in planning and decorating the nursery. He didn't know that I know, but he had our baby on the waiting list for the best pre-k program in New York City. Our baby that will be here in just a few hours. Watching him prepare for our baby had been one of the best things ever.

I'll never forget the day we did our gender reveal. We had known that Mike and Rachel were coming to town for a quick weekend visit and we decided to throw a gender reveal party at our new brownstone that Harvey and I moved into when I was about four months pregnant.

Harvey didn't think that his condo was the best place to raise a family so he had insisted that we find something more family friendly. The doctor had given us an envelope with the gender results in it and wanting to find out along with all of our family, both biological and the friends that we consider family, we had given the results to the woman I had hired to help me organize the party.

We had decided to go with a huge balloon that would be filled with either blue or pink confetti, depending on what the gender was. When the time came to pop the balloon, we had stood on either side of the balloon so everyone could see us, but Harvey had taken my left hand in his right, while using his left hand to pop the balloon.

The look on his face when the pink confetti rained down was absolutely priceless. I had never been more grateful to have both video and photographs to be able to see that moment forever in both print and motion. His face was absolute pure joy and awe mixed with absolute fear. But in less than a moment we were hugging and crying and he had his hands on my face and his lips on mine.

Later that night after everyone had gone home Harvey had turned on one of his dad's old records and reached for my hand and we'd swayed to the music. Before the end of the first song he'd pulled back and looked me in the eyes with the most sincere, most loving look and told me that he had his whole world in his arms at that moment and then he had gotten down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had cried and almost wordlessly said yes as I had pulled him back up to me and kissed him. We had agreed to wait until after our little girl was born to get married, but we both knew that this was it. We would be together forever. The two of us and our little miracle.

At one of our appointments one of the nurses mentioned that our daughter was our rainbow baby and we had both looked at her confused. She had explained to us that the child born after a miscarriage or still birth is referred to as a rainbow baby. Like the rainbow after a storm. At that point, we still had not settled on the perfect name for our little girl. We were on the couch one evening, Harvey sitting on one end and I was lying down with my feet in his lap. While in the middle of giving me a foot rub, he told me that he had been looking at names and found one that he thought would be perfect either as a first or middle name. He told me that the name Iris means rainbow in Greek and he thought it was perfect since she was our rainbow baby. I had immediately started crying and told him I thought that it was perfect. I told him that I had been thinking about the name Hope, because we had hoped and prayed for her. We had tested out Iris Hope and Hope Iris and eventually decided that our daughter would be named Hope Iris Specter.

At 8:05 PM on February 15, 2020 our beautiful, perfect, strawberry blonde rainbow baby girl made her entrance into the world. Harvey and I both had loved her from the moment that we found out we were pregnant and that love had multiplied a thousand times over the past nine months, but nothing could have prepared us for how we would feel the moment we laid eyes on her. We cried, we laughed, we kissed, and we thanked God and each other for that perfect moment in time.

Over the sixteen years since Harvey and I had met and the almost fourteen years since the other time and the loss of our first child, we had been through so many ups and downs together, but in that moment, blessed with each other and this amazing little girl, we realized that she truly was the rainbow after the storm.


End file.
